“Emotional pain is not something that should be hidden away and never spoken about. There is truth in your pain, but only if it’s first brought out into the open” – Steve Aitchison
It can be incredibly difficult to identify narcissistic abuse because there are several different types of narcissism that exist on a spectrum (some people have traits and others are diagnosable). These days, the term “narcissist” gets tossed around like a hot potato, which makes it complicated and confusing.
Common traits, behaviors and/or survival strategies that narcissists have:
- Sense of self-importance or inflated ego
- Relationships are seen as transactional rather than reciprocal
- Unable to be truly vulnerable
- Strong need to be in control
- Lacks authentic empathy
- Preoccupation with success, power and perfection
- Repressed insecurities
- Constant need of praise and attention
- Frequently belittles, demeans, devalues and intimidates with no authentic remorse or responsibility
It is important to note that these behaviors are ways in which narcissists have learned to cope with their deep wounds. However, this does not excuse abusive behavior.
As with most abuse, narcissistic abuse occurs in a cycle of three stages: idealization, devalue and discard. The idealization stage is when the narcissist is displaying admiration, appreciation and will love bomb (sweep you off your feet and shower you with affection). This stage often leads to feelings of hope and trust.
Next, is the devaluation stage where the narcissist oscillates between being kind one minute and incredibly cruel the next, where they utilize forms of manipulation and control. The result of this stage is you begin to doubt yourself, feel confused and anxious.
The final stage of narcissistic abuse is discarding, where the person struggling with narcissism will find someone else or something else that feeds their entitlement and power, which results in them being callous and cold towards you. Often in this stage, you will feel as if you are going through withdrawal from the narcissist.
Signs of Narcissistic Abuse
- Gaslighting – making you distrust your views of reality. This is often when you will question if you are crazy.
- Making things a competition
- Projection
- Lack of empathy
- Silent treatment
- Emotional abuse
- Withholding affection, money, sex
- Playing the victim to gain sympathy
- When confronted they will put the issue back on you
Impacts of Narcissistic Abuse
- Depression and anxiety
- Low self-esteem and insecurity
- Emotional and physical depletion
- Complex-Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
- Desperation for validation
- Difficulty trusting
- Shame
- Hypervigilance
- Feeling lonely and isolated
- Loss of identity
- Feeling damaged or defective
- Questioning if you are narcissistic
If left untreated, a narcissistic abusive relationship can cause long-lasting effects, including changes to the brain, memory and concentration.
How We Help
- Identify if you are in a toxic or narcissistic relationship
- Recognize patterns that make you a target for narcissistic abuse
- Educate about narcissistic abuse
- Identify and express feelings and needs in a healthy way
- Management of expectations of the relationship with the narcissist
- Boundary setting
- Rebuild self-worth and identity
If you feel you have been in a toxic or narcissistic relationship, whether with a family member, loved one, boss, co-worker, etc., we can help you begin your healing journey.
We’re Here To Support You
We understand that taking the first step can be challenging, but you’re not alone.
Contact us today and let’s work together to improve your well-being.